Aside to Husbands

23 04 2008

Ogden Nash
Ogden Nash

Pamela and I have a particular affection for the poetry of Ogden Nash.  For Christmas this year I bought her a 5-volume set of his poetry.  This morning, while getting ready to leave, she found this poem written for husbands.  I thought it was blog-worthy.  I hope you enjoy it.

 

What do you do when you’ve wedded a girl all legal and lawful,
And she goes around saying she looks awful?

When she makes deprecatory remarks about her format,
And claims that her hair looks like a doormat?

When she swears that the complexion of which you are so fond
Looks like the bottom of dried-up pond?

When she for whom your affection is not the least like Plato’s
Compares her waist to a badly tied sack of potatoes?

When she thinks that every hour is the hour at which avoir-dupois begins,
And keeps discovering nonexistent double and triple chins?

Oh, who wouldn’t rather be on a flimsy bridge with a hungry lion at one end and a hungry tiger at the other end and hungry crocodiles underneath
Than confronted by their dearest making remarks about her own apperance through clenched teeth?

Oh, who wouldn’t rather drown in deepest ocean or crackle in the most furious fire,
Than be in a position where if you say Yes darling, you don’t love her any more, and if you say No darling, you are hypocritical liar?

Why won’t they believe that the reason they find themselves the mother of your children is because you think of all the looks in the world, theie looks are the nicest?
Why must we continue to be thus constantly ordealed and crisised?

I think it high time these hoity-toity ladies were made to realize that when they impugn their face and their ankles and their waist
They are thereby insultingly impugning their tasteful husbands’ impeccable taste.

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Hospitality 101

20 04 2008

Place Setting

National Airport courtesy of the Library of Congress

Yesterday, we spent a few hours driving to the other side of the city to pick up a gently used couch. While we were out and about we were listening to a lecture by Alexander Strauch on the Biblical injunction to seek out opportunities for hospitality.

When the lecture was over, I was trying to interact with the kids on what we had listened to by asking them what kind of questions they could think of to ask visitors to our table (so as to encourage better conversation).

Elliot and Aelsa came up with a few like: “How many siblings did you have growing up?” and “What was it like for you when you were a kid?” I asked Robin what he would ask someone joining us for dinner, since he had yet to answer. After a very short pause, he replied: “Would you like a glass of water?”

From Matthew 10:

He who receives a prophet in the name of a prophet shall receive a prophet’s reward. And he who receives a righteous man in the name of a righteous man shall receive a righteous man’s reward.

And whoever gives one of these little ones only a cup of cold water in the name of a disciple, assuredly, I say to you, he shall by no means lose his reward.





Desks

29 02 2008

I know that tagging is a common occurrence in the blog-o-sphere, and I don’t usually pay any attention if it happens to me…but today Fletch sneaked up behind me on the internet playground and yelled “yer it…” (then promptly added: “no tag backs” as he ran away laughing to himself). So…I’ll play…this once…kinda.

What’s on your desk? You can tell a lot about a person by the state of their desk and what they keep on it. So, share what’s on your desk. You can take pictures, take an inventory, or do both. Don’t have a desk? That’s okay, just give us a glimpse into the space where you pay bills, write letters, grade papers, study, or work on the computer.

Office Desk
Office Desk
This is where I pay the bills, edit my audio pieces; Skype with the parents and the kids do their Spanish (and occasional computer games)…its also where a lot of things get stacked (not pictured).

Studio
Studio Desk
This is “my space”…everything that would once go to the office, now can reside here…but notice that it has a door that transforms it into just another closet when I’m not home…I also edit video in here. Finally, it is where many of the old books and “forbidden books” reside.

Lap
The Portable Desk
This is my most common desk…sometimes casual, sometimes dressy, but almost always available (when the other spaces are too cluttered) unless there’s a kid on it/over it.
From Job 36

16 “ Indeed He would have brought you out of dire distress,
Into a broad place where there is no restraint;
And what is set on your table
would be full of richness.





A Biblical Model for Finding a Wife

11 02 2008
Dancing
Let’s Interlope by EBENIM PUBLISHING

Are you fed up with the sham and charade of the “Christian” dating game? Are you uncertain as to the Biblical veracity of “Kissing Dating Goodbye?” Are you concerned about where to find a good wife for your sons?

Ebenim Publishing announces the unveiling of its new booklet: Let’s Interlope–a truly Biblical model for finding a wife from the book of Judges. This highly acclaimed booklet will bring clear, scriptural understanding to this emotional topic.

You’ll learn from Judges 21 these important principles:

1. How vineyards are the key to a happy marriage,
2. How catching a mate may be easier than you think,
3. How dancing can be the key to your future.

For less than the price of premarital counseling, you to can own this important booklet that will transform your views of finding a wife.

From Judges 21

Then the elders of the congregation said, “What shall we do for wives for those who remain, since the women of Benjamin have been destroyed?” And they said, “There must be an inheritance for the survivors of Benjamin, that a tribe may not be destroyed from Israel. However, we cannot give them wives from our daughters, for the children of Israel have sworn an oath, saying, ‘Cursed be the one who gives a wife to Benjamin.’” Then they said, “In fact, there is a yearly feast of the LORD in Shiloh, which is north of Bethel, on the east side of the highway that goes up from Bethel to Shechem, and south of Lebonah.”

Therefore they instructed the children of Benjamin, saying, “Go, lie in wait in the vineyards, and watch; and just when the daughters of Shiloh come out to perform their dances, then come out from the vineyards, and every man catch a wife for himself from the daughters of Shiloh; then go to the land of Benjamin. Then it shall be, when their fathers or their brothers come to us to complain, that we will say to them, ‘Be kind to them for our sakes, because we did not take a wife for any of them in the war; for it is not as though you have given the women to them at this time, making yourselves guilty of your oath.’”

And the children of Benjamin did so; they took enough wives for their number from those who danced, whom they caught. Then they went and returned to their inheritance, and they rebuilt the cities and dwelt in them.